Category Archives for presence
The hidden cost of being the capable one
I think there is a particular type of burden that comes with being the man everyone relies on.You become good at handling things. You’re the one people turn to when the hard thing needs to be done, whether it’s the difficult conversation or the financial decision. Maybe it’s a team issue. Or a family responsibility. Or […]
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I reckon the most dangerous phrase you can say in life is ‘I should be happier than I am.’
Sure, it sounds small. The kind of thing you want to say quietly. Something you might not even dare say to your wife on a Sunday evening even though she senses it already. But what is that question actually saying.It’s saying: probably by every measure that matters, my life is working. The income. The title. […]
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I gave up 16 weekends in two years and never once resented a single one of them
For many years, my attitude to performance was ‘head down, push on through.’It got results, of a kind.But there was a version of it that felt like dragging myself through concrete. Late nights or weekend on work that after a while I felt nothing about, ticking boxes rather than coming alive in any of it.Then […]
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Want to know if you’re living your values?
I suggest you don’t bother checking your intentions. Check your calendar instead.Because your calendar doesn’t tell you who you want to be. It tells you who you actually are being. In my experience, that distinction is really worth sitting with.If you can spend a bit of time reflecting on this distinction, there are three things […]
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You’re executing brilliantly on a life that doesn’t excite you
Most high achievers are extraordinary at setting goals. Almost none of them has a clear picture of who they want to be when the goals are reached.If I ask a senior tech leader for their five-year product roadmap and they’ll give me one without hesitation. If ask them what they want their life to look […]
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How many times can you say ‘next year’ before it becomes never?
The other day, I caught myself doing it again.”Next year, I’ll finally make that change.””Next year, when things settle down.””Next year, when the timing is better.”But in reality, next year never arrives the way you imagine. Because what you’re really saying is, I’m not ready to face this yet.Every time you push something meaningful into […]
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Are you winning at work but losing at home?
Long days; big wins; recognition; reward. It leaves you feeling good about your work life.Home? Not so much.It’s hard to switch off. You half listen to conversations. It’s like watching a movie of home life, rather than being fully present in it.You wonder if this is the price you have to pay for career success.Being […]
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Are you being honest with yourself?
I mean full, deep, radical honesty.About how life is going.About what you want and don’t want anymore.What unexplored dreams you still have.What feels intolerable but you continue to tolerate it.What feels like a pull but you dismiss it out of hand as impossible.What feels like a tall order, but secretly excites the hell out of […]
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Do we call it out enough when we see toxic male leadership energy?
It can be hard, in the face of someone’s uncontained rage, dysregulation or unfettered narcissism, to take a stand. The fear of consequence and reprisal is real.And yet, there’s so much of the bad stuff around. It makes my flesh crawl when I see unreflective, hard nosed, toxic masculinity on display.Let’s at least recognise what […]
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Are you striving or soaring?
A distinction I often explore with my clients is whether they are running away from something or running towards.Running away is what we do when we want to avoid discomfort.The impossible targets. The crappy boss or board. The relentless pressure.The tedium. The loss of connection and affection at home.The challenging teen or parent.Running away implies […]
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